


Westeros is NOT a good place!

by Prisioux



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), The Good Place (TV)
Genre: BAMF Daenerys Targaryen, Daenerys Resurrection Week, Daenerys Targaryen Deserves Better, Daenerys Targaryen Is Not a Mad Queen, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prisioux/pseuds/Prisioux
Summary: Daenerys is very happy to hang out with Michael and the gang at the good place, but Shawn and the judge have other plans!Will Jon Snow die from manpain?Will the Starks learn from their mistakes?"Welcome! everything is fine."
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	Westeros is NOT a good place!

**Author's Note:**

> If you are not familiar with The Good Place, then just know that Dany dies, goes to the afterlife, receives an education, and is tasked to return to Westeros to get revenge.
> 
> You may jump to the " BACK IN WESTEROS" part if that is the case.

_ “Welcome! Everything is fine!” _

_ *** _

Afterlife was  _ not  _ what Daenerys had expected.

Not that she expected _ anything _ in the first place: between her erratic childhood and her bloody, messy, adult years, Daenery's mind had always been filled with more urgent, more basic concerns than the ultimate one.

Still, despite her ignorance in regards to the mysteries of existence, eternity as Daenerys had experienced so far, was a surprisingly simple, trivial even, affair

But that first day, the first moments, the fallen Queen could hardly hide her confusion and bewilderment.

Thankfully, Michael, the architect, was nothing if not an extremely sympathetic eternal being. 

“You are in the good place”, the silver-haired man told Daenerys in his usual soothing voice,“ you have ensured that generations of children will no longer experience the horrors of slavery.  _ This  _ more than made up for ...”

He was polite enough not to mention _ it _ \- the burning of thousands, the killing of innocents for reasons...

For reasons not even Daenerys completely understood.

What had she done?

and why?

_ Did I do it because I had been mad all along? But was I mad? I mean, I was not proven wrong- they were conspiring against me. Or I made a rational decision to rule by fear? I certainly said something about it once, did I not? Or did I kill all those people because of Missandei? Or maybe, it was all due to Jon and his refusal- a jilted lover gone too far? No, I have no idea what made me do it- just that I did do it. _

But it was all over now.

She had asked about Missandei- no, her scribe was not there. Michael said she went to a different place. " No need to worry- she is in good hands."

Daenerys felt relieved- so relieved in fact that she did not press to know about the others. They were good people- her people.

and she trusted Michael.

It was all over and she was free at last.

No more hired knives trying to kill her, no more older, stronger men looming over her, selling her, raping her- no more tears.

A house with a red door. A lemon tree in the backyard. New friends with new ideas and no concept of what it meant to have her name or to have been her father´s daughter.

Here, she was just Daenerys, a simple girl whose greatest aspiration growing up had been to become a sailor, not-  _ never _ \- a queen. 

***

Peace, it seemed, evaded Daenerys even in the afterlife

To put bluntly: the neighnobord was a mess. One day, was a restaurant opening going wrong; the next, giant shrimps were falling from the skies ...it would not have bothered much if not for Chidi and Eleanor ( her friends and fellow study partners) both exchanging glances and speaking in hushed tones when such events happened, as if they knew something Daenerys did not know.

Could it be? Were they lying to her?

Daenerys sighed. They had this discussion before. Apparently, she was paranoid- a word that could easily describe her present predicament, have Daenerys been convinced she was the source of the problem in the first place.

She knew the difference. She had lived this nightmare before: the tension, the anger, the---

Then realization hit Daenerys like a brick of stones. 

_ They are not the ones lying. They are all lying. This is not the good place!  _

***

Daenerys went straight to Michael and confronted the architect: 

“You lied to me!”

Michael did not try to deny the obvious, but quietly asked Daenerys to calm down before he started explaining the situation: “ Technically, yes, I did lie to you. I truly wish to apologize, Dany, but you see... the subterfuge was indeed needed. Our investigation was being made and, had we come clean, we would not have fooled Shawn.”

Shawn, as Michael explained, was his frenemy- a concept that still made Daenerys giggle. Apparently, the changes made in the afterlife were not universally well-received, with Shawn still being one of its strongest opponents:

“For the longest of times, going to the bad place meant eternal punishment. Now it is simply a transitory facility where humans do torture each other yes, but also learn from their mistake- a place that gives them an opportunity to improve and eventually, move on."

Shawn, Michael added, " never, ever, ever, ever accepted the new reality- and that is why you ended up where you are right now. "

And so it was that Daenerys learned the world of ice and fire was merely a “ draft”, a make believe setting for the training of eternal beings. Once demons like Shawn and Michael were finished with their exercises, Planetos would be reboot, remade and delivered to the next “ class” of architects to do with it as they pleased.

The shocking news received a lukewarm reaction from Daenerys- after all, her world was one of famine, disease and abominable greed

_Well, this explain a lot..._

and while Michael wanted to help her, he was also forced to lie in the first place: “To be blunt: you were not supposed to come here. When a person from one of our training ground dies, this person ceases to exist. I suppose Shawn never contemplated the possibility of us paying that much attention and noticing your arrival as we did,  so we played along, pretending we had not understood that a massive shift had just occurred. “ 

***

It all started when Shawn traveled to Earth on several different times, getting in contact with different people, and sharing with them different drafts.

A certain Martin person Michael kept mentioning became incredibly successful after receiving a visit from Shawn. He wrote books, these books were read and in time, a very rare phenomenon took place: the spark of creation granted Daenerys a place in the real afterlife- and that is where their problems began: 

" But we could send you to the real afterlife, as this would mean you would move on and your world would continue on a downward spiral. So, we came with the idea of pretending we were just bored, and revive the first good place experiment, using you as a test subject. It was mentioned in passing in one of the meetings, so Shawn had no reason to give more than a furtive look. He was too busy trying to prove the bad place should be brought back, and was compiling a file of his own personal experiment with Planetos for the judge.”

Apparently, Martin was not vile enough in Shawn´s opinion to make his dream come true. So he returned to Earth one last time, on a Tuesday of all days, found two jerks passed out on a pile of vomit at a Las Vegas strip club, instilled them with false confidence. and, Michael added, if rumors were true, Shawn also was the one responsible by providing the two bozos with enough of a white powder called cocaine while they were locked inside a Holiday Inn suite writing the last installment of the TV Show...

After that, Shawn finally sat back to collect the data in order to prove that sometimes, human beings should _not_ be trusted with shiny toys.

***

As they discussed the future of Planetos, the judge decided to respect the precedent she had recently set when it came to rebooting worlds: since she had ruled in favor of Earth that time around, now that Planetos was no longer a draft, but an ill shaped, ill-fitted, ill realized, but _real_ world of its own, the option to simply destroy it and make it anew was no longer possible.

This final mercy proved to be Daenerys undoing. She, the only woman of that realm to have been received at the real afterlife, was the only one they could send back to make all wrongs, right- to teach them a final lesson on what it meant to be a decent, law-abiding human being, and not a cesspit of hatred, xenophobia, racism, overall disgusting jerks hanging out and waiting to profit on the next great cataclysm that would, undoubtedly , hit that godforsaken land.

In other words: Daenerys comeback was not her decision. And the way in which she would come back- as a Revenge Ex Machina, a semi goddess with the most important mission of all, a queen whose head would be filled not with petty schemes and even pettier cruelties, but with the great schemes and even greater cruelties of eternal beings- also had little to do with the woman she had become.

Although knowing pretty well how little she meant in the great scheme of things, Daenerys saw fit to at least present her objections: “Do you realize that, if we go through with this, sending me back with just this queer notion of holy revenge against those who wronged me, that you will probably get more than what you are bargaining for? Not to mention, I will sound like a madowman to them- I spent far too long around Eleanor and Tahani to have absorbed some of their mannerisms, and let´s not forget all those philosophy classes with Chidi and all those fried chicken with Jason and…”

As nobody in the room offered Daenerys a reply, she sadly glanced at Michael- who was, as expected, sympathetic, but noncommital: 

“ I am so,  _ so _ , sorry, Dany. Being a fire squib, I do have a soft spot for you. But alas, there is nothing I can do. Shawn broke the rules, yes, but so did I back in the day. As for the slight problem you pointed out: yes, you might sound a bit.. _.too_ much for them, but we enjoy some drama. We will, however, tune you into all that canon jargon they use, so that they can get the gist of what you are trying to accomplish.”

Michael then rubbed his hands together, making a reptilian noise of extreme amusement.

“ Oh, this is going to be  _ so _ good!” 

Daenerys sighed.  _ This _ , she thought with great realization,  _ is the big game _ .

The big game, she thought with bitterness.

Definitely  _ not w _ hat Tyrion meant back then.

“Do not worry about the people you will meet: they all need their lessons, and you, my dear, are the teacher they deserve.” In his human form, Shawn was unassuming, wearing an air of helplessness that could trick anyone that did not know him. 

But Daenerys knew the type: she had, like everybody else, fell for the sad tale of Bran the broken, a mostly well-intentioned young man who just wanted to save mankind?

The judge, Shawn and Michael all agreed that, if there was one side of the magical coin that was mad, it was not Daenerys. 

“ That boy had always been a menace, I tell you...climbing walls instead of attending lessons, accepting second servings of lemon cakes while the servants ate only deep dried turnips " Shawnshook his hand in disapproval. "You go there, Dany, teach them all who is in charge, try to convince them to take a path of good intentions and even better results, and, if this fails... _ send them to us _ . “

Shawn then provided Daenerys with the strangest piece of weaponry the dragon queen had ever seen: a dagger of heavenly steel in the shape of a banana.

“This is the judgment-knife, forged by the mightiest of the fire squibs on a Tuesday. "As Daenerys held the steel banana in her hands, arching an eyebrow as Shawn made such a preposterous proclamations, he continued. “ It has an odd appearance I agree, but make no mistake: its Power is quite extraordinary. It can only be wielded by one person every a millennia and it does not kill human beings in the ways human beings expect to get killed.” 

Shawn looked at Daenerys and , seeing the woman recoil, gave a demoniac laugh:” This is going to be so awesome!”

With a snap of his fingers, the Mother of Dragons was gone.

***

**BACK IN WESTEROS**

It had been the most difficult moment of Jon´s life.

The hardest, most brutal decision he had ever made: to take the life of his lady love.

Jon was  _ devastated _ . The amount of  _ manpain _ he was experiencing--- how could he go on?

Nothing mattered. Poor Greyworm was crying and screaming at him- he deserved all the hate.

The whole thing was surreal. Was it snow or ashes that was falling? Jon could not tell- only that Daenerys was gone, that the Iron Throne had been destroyed by Drogon and that he, somehow, had survived.

Jon fell on his knees. Desperation. Angst. Sadness. A mild headache--- yes, Jon Snow was a mess!

“You killed her! You killed her!”

Greyworm had all the right to kill Jon on the spot, and yet, he did not. Apparently, the unsullied took their names seriously, and the Summer islander would not sully his reputation by killing the disgraced former bastard, former Lord Commander, former King in the North....was he still the Warden though? Jon could not tell- it was all very foggy inside his mind, like he had never experienced any clear thought before…

Suddenly, Greyworm stopped shouting. Jon was confused- why was the soldier looking at above his shoulders, an expression of awe on his face?

“Please, just kill me….please, jus---”

“Shut the fuck up, vermin! She has returned! SHE has returned!!!”

***

Drogon landed his mother on the exact spot he had had took flight just some moments before.

Jon opened his mouth to say something, but words failed him: Daenerys had just dismounted the huge beast, the dagger still dangling from her chest.

_ She is alive...she is alive.  _

Had he not killed her after all? Had he stuck Daenerys with the pointy end just an inch removed from an artery? Had he failed in his mission of murdering an unarmed woman?

No, Jon had not failed. He knew in his heart he had killed Daenerys- and then cried like a baby about killing her. Jon was very,  _ very  _ good at killing- not that this fact gave him any pleasure, of course, but killing was easy for Jon. Yes, killing he could do- but loving? This was what really scared him- happiness and living a life without angst and a perfectly groomed manbun.

But there she was, in flesh and fire- a creature of the elements, beautiful and menacing and greater than life and death. 

Jon could not believe his eyes. Daenerys was perfection, a vision in red. Was she not wearing that villain outfit? Black leather with red dragons sworn into it?

Momentarily stunned, Jon, arguably the best swordsman of Westeros, did not even see when Daenerys, hands as fast as lightning, pulled the dagger from her body and, in a single, decisive motion, marked his face with a long scar: 

“The Gods have spoken! I won my Trial by Combat! I am Daenerys, the REBORN!”

A jubilant Greyworm retrieved a small flask from his armor, pouring the liquid down in one glub. Jon had heard the unsullied had their own brand of wine, consumed on special days- and the resurrection of their Queen could certainly count as a special day, Jon assumed.

When droplets of Jon´s blood splashed across Daenerys face as she proudly announced her victory over death, she looked glorious.

Jon was ashamed to notice his member´s obvious pleasure at the sight. His cock was so hard that he doubted his new trousers would survive the ordeal.

“I will claim you, unworthy as you are, as my prize. And no more of this silliness of you being my nephew, for you are no true dragon. No son of Rhaegar would be as ungrateful as to murder the woman who saved his life not only once, or twice, but three times over, gave him a dragon, fought his war and even offered to share her throne with him. “

Jon had to agree with Daenerys assessment. He could have been as Targaryen as he had been Stark, but he had made a choice- seemingly, the wrong one- and by doing this, he had, effectively, gave up as his rights.

There is no vilest man than the kinslayer.

“Dany...I am…” Jon faltered, tears pouring out of his eyes. Would Daenerys even care to listen to his words? Yes, he was damn sorry. It had not felt right. Not what she had done- that was _definitely_ not right, but not unlike Tywin Lannister or his son for that matter...actually, and all in all, dragon fire had only directly caused about a fourth of the casualties. Wildfire would continue to burn for days on end, as per Ser Davos words.

_ Wildfire- the one Cersei had obvioulsy moved away from her escape route and onto to the outskirts of the city, where the poor people she so loathed dwelled.  _

“Spare me, Jon. As I said before: I have survived my trial by Combat. The Gods have spoken. I won. My enemies- the ones you sided with- lost.” 

After making this statement, Daenerys offered her hand to Jon, an inviting smile on her face. 

Confused by the gesture, Jon  recoiled. 

From the distance, Greyworm watched the scene with curiosity. 

***

“ Lord Snow, there is no reason be afraid. You saw with your own eyes and felt within your heart: you made a mistake. So did I. The Gods forgave me and offered me a second chance. It would be not fair if I, only human that I am, would not do the same? You too are forgiven, Jon. You were used by them. You know that. You saved them from death and how they repay you? By plotting, by breaking sacred oaths and by turning you into a kingslayer, a queen slayer, a man without honour.”

_ This _ , Jon thought with clarity, _ is the truth _ . Daenerys had gone too far, but not out of malice or madness. Could he say the same about Tyrion? orSansa? Even Arya had blood on her hands- who was her to judge?

“What I offer you now, Jon, is a chance to atone. A chance to make the world a better place. There was no darkness where I went, Jon. I passed beyond the shadow, touched the skies above and was granted a vision of what will become.”

Shaking, Jon looked around him. The weather had changed- the cloud of smoke, the rain of ashes had dissipated. The Sun was shining, the birds were chirping. Even the wildfire, to Jon´s utter disbelief, was not burning anymore. 

_ This is impossible...This cannot be. _

But he saw with his own eyes and they did not lie: not only had the Queen returned, but she had brought Spring with her.

***

The day was approaching and Jon was visibly nervous. 

“ Why do you insist on keeping this charade?”

Greyworm offered one last look of contempt to Jon Snow before leaving the hidden chambers, where the former King and the Dragon Queen took residence during those trying times.

It was only when the Unsullied passed through the door that Daenerys spoke: “ I told you time and again: this is not my wish, but my Duty. They must all come here thinking you succeeded in eliminating their greatest problem and face their reconning. We all commit mistakes, but is how we act on times of crisis that will determine our value as human beings.” Daenerys then raised her eyebrows and took a deep breath. “If they all pass their tests, they have no reason to fear me. "

“I know I have no right to ask you anything and that they meant you harm, but they are still my family.”

Daenerys rolled her eyes: “ Well, if I remembered correctly, you once claimed to be part of my family too, and yet…” a half-smile on her lips, the dragon queen pointed to her chest, at the exact spot where a dagger ran through her skin, flesh and bones, straight to her heart. “ So, forgive me if I assumed you would offer no protest. Justice must be served- no exceptions, no privileges. If they are innocent, I will let them go; if they are guilty…”

Jon, yes cast down, said in a low, broken voice : “Bran was not involved…”

“Oh, please- the tree hugger is supposed to see the future, yes? So, what if he had seen it all, but allowed everything to pass, all that people to die, just because he did not fucking care?” The use of profanity should not be confused with emotional discourse. Dropping the occasional f-bomb was now an essential part of the Dragon Queen vocabulary- even Jon was using the word from time to time.

“ But you are not sure...you cannot be…”

In this, Jon was right.Although Daenerys knew what had happened _ then _ , who was to say that the same would happen now? “ Yes, and that is precisely why, dear Jon, we need to give the impression they are coming to King´s Landing not to be judged, but to judge. They will be given options, they will discuss among themselves, reveal their little agendas and petty power plays and ultimately, if they manage to overcome their differences and reach an agreement that not only benefit them, but the whole of Westeros...then I will be _pleasantly_ surprised.” Amused, Daenerys noticed how Jon seemingly relaxed once she conceded the possibility of a happy ending.

It was then that she twisted the proverbial knife. “ I will, however, not hold my breath. The godlike weirdo will probably reveal his dark leanings, the mean girl will throw a fit once she sees nobody is willing to hand her a Crown, the half-man will talk himself out of an execution and into a new job by pandering to the family that has the most votes...and you will see how no one, not even that hapless boy that ran away from the battleground, will raise their hands and speak in favor of your supposed claim to the Iron Throne.” Try as she might, Daenerys could not hold her laughter any longer. “ The maximum you should expect is to be sent to The Wall, to freeze your butt, jerk himself off to sleep and be forgotten while they all live their best lives, resting on the laurels of my hard work and your personal sacrifices.”

Considering the conversation over, Daenerys turned her attention to the piece of parchment at her desk- letters she would be sending to the Reach as soon as the farce was pver, a proposal of a marriage union between a lost Tyrell heir who had entered The Citadel, but not taken the vows, and a granddaughter of Lady Olenna, a move that would at least prevent the Dragon queen former ally´s line from dying out. 

“You are wrong...you are wrong…” Jon said a couple of times, as if trying to convince himself of the fact.

***

Alas, she was right.

Jon watched from the sidelines as Tyrion took control of what it should have been a Great Council. There was no need to pretend: the disgraced king looked as disgruntled and disappointed as he felt.

Greyworm let it all play out as Daenerys instructed, half-heartedly interjecting a “ shut up” or “ you are a prisoner” as Tyrion gave his ridiculous, far-reaching speech of self-service and ingratitude. 

When everybody laughed at the Samwell´s idea- who, suspiciously enough, seemed to have forgotten all about Jon´s claim when the time and place to make it known finally arrived- the would be kinslayer knew his cousins were doomed.

And he was almost glad he was literally in no position to lift a finger to help them, because gods forgive him, with the exception of perhaps Arya, he wanted them all to burn.

Especially when, pressed by Greyworm to say their goodbyes to Jon on the spot, he, as instructed, apologized to Bran for not being “ there “ for him, to which the disgusting piece of shit replied that he had been where he should have been all along.

If that was not an admission of guilt, Jon did not know what it was.

***

Before Jon could offer a reply, Greyworm gave the sign he had been waiting all along.

Soon, the Dragonpit was encircled by a legion of Unsullied and the sounds the Dothraki hordes outside informed the nobles inside the time to pay their debts had finally come.

From the clouds, the image most of them feared materialized : Daenerys Targaryen, the reborn, had come to collect her due.

***

Daenerys gave Jon and Greyworm a tired look, and asked: “ So, it happened as I said it would?”

They both nodded.

“ _Well_ “ she turned to where the Starks were now sitting in abject silence “ you surely are a predictable lot. “

“As for my allies, the Prince Maron of House Martell and the Queen Yara Greyjoy, I can only thank you for taking the time to come all the way here only to watch this pathetic little man try to sell you this pathetic little family as capable, responsible rulers. “

Yara Greyjoy was the first to muster some courage to speak out. “ Your Grace, I am delighted by your survival, but I am confused…”

“Don´t trouble your beautiful head over such unpleasant affairs, my friend: Jon Snow, the Stark´s bastard, was a victim of his evil family machinations, in a twisted, childish plot to undermine my authority and claim.” 

Fighting the laughs that were building on her stomach, Daenerys simply pointed at Jon and said: “ Do you believe they convinced this poor soul that he was a Targaryen? I mean, just LOOK AT HIM!”

Truth be told, Jon had been happy when he had found out. Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Taragaryen had been in love and he was the product. It was all he had ever wanted- to know his mother´s name. 

But since her return, Daenerys had pointed out that being part of a family was more than sharing blood: it was about accepting and being accepted, about taking pride in the past and traditions of a name, about honoring ancestors and raising descendants to carry on.

And Jon had not done any of those things.

On the contrary: instead of embracing a name and an attitude, and combining those new traits to the ones he had been raised to display, Jon preferred to stick a dagger in Daenery's heart and end the whole thing, right there, right then.

So, yes, Jon now agreed with Daenerys: he was no true dragon. 

Oh, he knew they would take that to mean that the whole parentage reveal had been just a plot to take over the Throne, but, in the end, other than the resolution of his own personal mystery, learning the truth about his parents had only led the Starks to...plot to take over the Throne!

As half the nobles joined Daenerys in laughing at the idea of the extremely Stark looking Jon sitting on the Throne as Aegon Targaryen, Sansa stood up from her chair to protest the unfair treatment:

“ Jon himself told us…” as her words and protest meant very little, Sansa then added. “ I honestly believed in the tale, as he spoke before a sacred weirwood tree and he would never tell lies before a tree and...

“Contrary to you, my dear Lady Sansa, who swore a sacred oath before the same weirwood tree to keep this unproved, unofficial piece of information to yourself, just to break your oath five minutes later in order to convince Tyrion Lannister, your once husband, to plot against me!”

As the tension was reaching a breaking point, the soothing, concerned voice of Lord Edmure Tully was heard saying:” Niece, please- sit down.”

Samwell Tarly, somehow, stammered through the tense exchange, certain his word would be heard this time around. “ At the Citadel, I uncovered documents that prove the information was true. The diary of High Septon B---”

“ Just stop,” Daenerys demanded with fury. “ Just shut the fuck up. Nobody and I say _nobody,_ will believe the word of the son of Lord Tarly, who not only broke the pledge that linked him to His Liege, but also raped and pillaged his own countrymen at Highgarden before I put an end to his vicious, insidious life of lies and violence and burned him for treason. Nobody will believe the word of a man who not only broke his vows to the Night´s watch, but also joined The Citadel for two months before giving up, and who continued to break his vows by sharing his bed with his common-law wife, who, by his own admission, stole not only the ancestral sword of his House, but also many books, parchments and whatnot from the Citadel, leaving the city not only without his honour, but also, without forging a single link.”

As Daenerys progressed to slam the fat man, Samwell´s face turned pink, then red, then green.

When the dragon queen finally ended her piece, Samwell Tarly, won by his own fears of inadequacy, could not take anymore and, before the eyes of the Great Council ,shat on his pants.

“I do not know about the others “ Prince Maron, goblet of wine in hands, drawled from his seat. “ but I heard and saw enough today to call this great council invalid. As Her Grace said: I did not come from Dorne to see a half-man telling jokes. I could have stayed at the Water Garden and fetched myself a funnier dwarf for that. “ The Prince then pointed to the disgraced former-almost Maester: “ This Samson person who just spoke? I can see he would have failed his classes had he stayed at the Citadel. He is dumb as rocks. This diary he says it exists it is clearly fake: High Septons do not use first names. They give up their names when they become High Septons. Everyone who pays attention to what their Maesters say knows that. Not to mention that a diary is not a public, official record of a deed. Quite the contrary: a diary is, by definition, private and unofficial.“

At this point, Samwell was already in tears.

The next in line for some dornish bashing were the Starks .” I don't know. They look funny to me. I am not saying they are lying, but they are clearly making it bigger than it was. Convinced Her Grace to go North and fight for them and this supposedly all powerful, all magical enemy that was defeated in one night! And by this slip of a girl…” he pointed at Arya, who smirked. 

“Again, I am not saying they are liars, but they are all very suspicious. This Arya girl, the one who they say saved the world? What has she done since she arrived here but threaten nobles who refused to see things the way she approves? Sounds like an enforcer to me."

Not satisfied in burning Arya and insinuating “the long night” should have been called “the shortest long night you have ever seen”, Prince Maron continued to offer his valuable insights:” Then there is this Lady Sansa. Notice how she waited until  _ after _ she cast her vote to declare herself Queen? How self-serving, don´t you agree? Methinks Sansa of Ice Castle expected us to offer  _ her  _ the Crown. Why is that? Why would we offer her the Crown? I have no idea! It makes no sense! Only someone as politically imbecile as to think anybody would buy into the tale of a long lost Targaryen prince who just happened to look, walk and talk like a Stark, would believe she had chances at becoming Queen in her own right. But the worst of all is this boy they tried to make King….this Brian.”

“Bran…his name is Bran, my Prince.” Daenerys did not know the young woman, who was one of the Dornish guards, but later she learned her name was Lady Maria de Los Angeles, the right hand of the former Prince´s cousin. Since Maron Martell had not been expected to ascend and, therefore, never paid much attention to westerosi politics, he needed a minder- and Lady Maria de Los Angeles had been chosen to the role.

“Brandon Stark...the one who fell from the Tower and got special Powers.” Angeles murmured on her prince´s ear as he emptied his goblet in one single gulp.

“Brian...Bram.. _.whatever _ .” Maron shrugged. “ This boy is no King, I tell you. I know he cannot walk, and this would not be a problem, but for what I can see, there is not much he _ can _ do. Just look at him! So lethargic, so low-level energy, so… _ boring _ .”

And just by stating the obvious, Prince Maron Martell brought down the house.

***

But after the laughter, it came the tears- at least, if your name was Stark or Lannister.

Everybody else either did not care or was having a great time.

***

Unfortunately, as usual, the Starks tried their best to spoil the party.

“If any of your mongrels get anywhere near my sister, “ Arya said menacingly to the couple of Unsullied nearby “ I will personally cut your faces off.”

As neither unsullied spoke Common Tongue, they just shrugged- to them, Arya´s threats sounded like a child complaining about her toys being taken away because it was nap time.

Daenerys, however, was all ears: “ Oh, so you wanna go first?” She then pointed the banana-shaped knife she had carried with her from her stay at the afterlife to Arya´s direction and, before everyone's eyes, the youngest of the Stark sisters promply disappeared.

“How strange” Daenerys murmured to herself “ who would have though a weapon called the judgement- knife would work as a pistol?”

Brandon, who had been, unsurprisingly, silent during the whole ordeal, managed to gather enough humanity to finally address the returned queen in his usual monotone voice. 

“ What have you done to Arya?” 

“I would like to say she went to a good place,” Daenerys answered calmly “ but since it is the place she deserves to be, I guess _good_ is not the adjective I would use.”

Sansa, in hysterics, turned to Jon, screaming from the top of her formely royal lungs: “ Why do you stay there and do nothing? Do something, your useless bastard! This is all your fault! ALL YOUR FAULT! You spoil everything, Jon Snow! ”

Although technically still suffering under the effects of his manpain, the unfair accusation made some of Jon´s less charitable feelings re-emerge: “ You sound _just_ like your lady mother, Sansa.”

And with that, Jon just washed his hands once and for all, because if he had done nothing to convince Daenerys that Arya did not deserve...whatever it was that she got, he sure as hell would not speak anything in favor or Sansa “ Littlefinger was my best friend” Stark and Bran “ I sit on my ass and do nothing” Stark.

“Is this why you insisted we had to jump on the first ship to King´s Landing?” Sansa asked her bland, hapless and decidedly least interesting brother in a low voice. “

Even though he could see his sister was distraught, Brandon Stark did not care, so he offered no reply, nor comfort.

Just cold silence.

***

Intellectually, Tyrion Lannister knew better than to go down on his knees and pathetically beg for his life, but since he was an emotionally unstable mess, it was exactly what he did when Daenerys pointed the banana to his direction.

Down on his knees, he started to beg: “Please...I be---”

And boom, he was gone too.

“Good riddance I say.” Yara Greyjoy whispered in Prince Maron´s ears. “ He was not even _that_ smart, you know? Terrible memory for recent events too: when we met, he accused my brother of making fun of him, when in fact  _ he _ had made fun of my brother. “

This got Prince Maron to halt his red sour consumption for a moment and think carefully what he was going to say next. 

Finally, after a beat, and having remembered a conversation he had with his well-informed guard, Lady Maria de Los Angeles, the Prince offered: “It seems to me that little Brandon Stark was not the only one who experienced some sort of brain damage up North. We have reports of strange behavior displayed by all folks that went to Winterfell. There were even a couple of instances of collective hallucinations, like the former King stating that The Dragon Queen only came to help because he bent the knee, which never happened. She had pledged her forces before he decided to give up his title. Yet, although she was present when he made such an outrageous proclamation, she said not a word. History had been rewritten not only in his head, but hers.”

***

Sansa was dispatched without any fuss, but only because Daenerys refused to give the red-haired woman more opportunity to open her vile mouth again.

Brandon too, went without a bang, dying as he had lived: quite unremarkably, which should tell you something about his lack of distinct personality other than “ spoilt son of Catelyn Stark” because the Powers he inherited as the 3 Eyed Raven would have been a sight to behold had Bran been...less himself, I guess?

At least his last words showed Bran, in his final moments, had acquired just an inch of self awareness :

“ I did not see _ this  _ coming.”

***

As for the others:

Samwell Tarly died from what appeared to be a heart attack when Daenerys accidentally dropped the banana-shaped weapon on the ground.

Prince Maron of Dorne returned home with his retinue, where he granted his guard and right hand, Lady Maria de Los Angeles, ownership of the Tower of Joy.

Yara Greyjoy bent the knee to Daenerys, stating that “ the Iron Islands will need as much help as they could from the Crown.” adding that she would not follow the example of a certain fallen, red-haired Queen, declaring independence only to have a Crown to call her own.

Most of the Dothraki returned to Essos, with enough gold and stories to tell. The Unsullied, led by Greyworm and supported by Daenerys, cleaned the waters that surrounded the island of Naarth of slavers, with they establishing themselves at Naarth once the inhabitants were convinced of their good intentions and provided them with enough medicine to fight their deadly butterflies.

It was all good- so good that, when Daenerys finally gave her last breath sixty years later, surrounded by her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, Jon was there, in the afterlife, to welcome her not only with open arms but a smile on his face:

“Welcome! Everything is fine!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
